Here With Me
by Natalia Vronsky
Summary: Spike leaves after his fight with Buffy... and it has an effect on her no one expected. b/s R


Title: Here With Me Author: Natalia Melissa Vronsky Email: blackqueenphoenix@yahoo.com or sputiehead@aol.com Web-page: www.geocities.com/blackqueenphoenix Part: one/one Category: Spike/Buffy Rating:PG-13 Summary: Spike leaves Sunnydale and Buffy reacts to it like no one imagined she would... Takes place after November 20th episode, (from what I got of the spoiler at the end of Tabula Rasa). Disclaimer: Buffy, and all of them belong to Joss Weidon (I think I spelled it right), 20th Century Fox, Mutant Enemy, not me, 'kay? I took the title from Dido's song, "Here With Me"... that belongs to her and her record company. Please don't sue me. I ain't got no money! Author's Notes: This is my first Buffy fic., so please be gentle. I'm working under the assumption that things don't go well after Buffy and Spike fight and talk and talk and fight. Thanks: to Cassie and Daisy for being the worlds bestest beta's. :) Archive: If you wanna use it, that's peachy with me, just lemme know where it's going! Feedback: PLEASE! I don't care if'n you flame me... just respond... it's nice to know what others think of my work. PLEASE!  
  
Buffy looked around the empty crypt that Spike had called home for so long. The place she'd become accustom to going to when she couldn't deal with being alive anymore.   
  
It was somewhat appropriate, being where people were laid to rest... talking to a dead man. It felt comfortable.  
  
Now, however, it felt awkward. It was empty. No furniture, no Spike. It made her feel cold and dead.  
  
"Spike?" She called. Hope lingering in her chest that he might still be there.   
  
If he never came back, she couldn't exactly say she'd blame him. She'd been mean and harsh. She wanted to hurt him because it made her feel. Except when she got home, all she felt was rotten.   
  
It had been a few hours since she'd left him lying on the ground and he was already packed up and gone. It made her wonder whether he'd been all packed and ready to go in case something like their fight happened.   
  
She quickly hopped down to the lower level. His furniture was there, broken, tossed around. Pictures of her charred at the edges. Like he didn't want to burn her face.   
  
She felt a pang in her chest. Guilt. Ah, she knew that feeling well. She'd just drove the one man she never though would leave her away.   
  
"Figures... that's my life for you." She mumbled, climbing back upstairs, wiping at her tears angrily as she left.  
  
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"Guys, is it just me... or does Buffy look more miserable than before..." Xander asked Anya and Willow as they cleaned up the Magic Box.   
  
"Since Spike disappeared?" Dawn added wistfully.  
  
"Spike's a vampire. He's bad. The Big Bad, right? I think it's better for Buffy if he's gone." Anya said.  
  
"Why?" Dawn said, offended. Everyone knew how much she wanted Buffy to be with Spike.  
  
"Well, one day that chip's not gonna be in his head. And, one day he'll be The Big Bad again. And, then Buffy will have to kill him. Right?" She looked to Xander for conformation.   
  
"I hate to say it, but, I think he would of stayed on our side... because of how much he loved Buffy." Willow said. She hadn't spoken with much frequency since Tara had left. At least, she hadn't really spoken to them. There was a group of witches that she spent most of her time with.   
  
"Maybe we should find Spike?" Xander asked. As much as he hated Spike, Buffy was undeniably more miserable with the blonde vamp gone.   
  
"I could do a locator spell?" Willow offered.   
  
"More spells." Dawn said, tossing up her hands, going to the upper level.   
  
Willow looked down, hurt. "It'd be hard to find him any other way... if he didn't want to be found."  
  
"So do it." Anya said.   
  
Willow nodded and did so. A smile crossed her lips. "He's at that hotel... remember, where Faith used to stay. Guess he couldn't stay too far from Buffy."  
  
"Let's go." Xander stood up.  
  
"I'll go." Dawn said. "You know he doesn't like you guys too much. Anya can you drive me?"  
  
"Oh sure." Anya got up and grabbed her coat. "Xander watch my money."  
  
"Yes, dear." Xander sighed, feeling whipped.  
  
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Dawn looked up at the room number. That's the one Willow said he was at. 24. Dawn took a deep breath and knocked.  
  
"Leave me the fuck alone!" Spike shouted, his speech was slightly slurred.   
  
"Great, he's been drinking." Dawn thought, glancing back at Anya in the car who was singing along with some song. "Spike? It's me, Dawn. Can I come in?"  
  
"Lil' Bit?" She heard stumbling, then the door opened and Spike nearly feel out, face first. "What brings you here?" His eyes fell on the car. "Oh... the ex-demon brought you here. Yeah... she'll associate with ex-demons... but no! Not with a neutered vamp who loves her."  
  
"Spike... uh... why'd you leave? Your crypt, I mean, and not tell anyone where you were?"  
  
"Like any of you give a bleedin' hell about me." He muttered, falling to the floor, grabbing the nearest, almost empty bottle of whiskey.   
  
"We do. That's why I'm here. We want you to come back. We need you on our team." Dawn grinned.   
  
"Buffy know you're here?"  
  
"Not exactly. But, she's been real out of it since she went to your crypt and found it all... empty."  
  
Spike made a face of disgust as he realized his bottle was empty. "Tell you what, Lil' Bit... the Slayer comes and asks me to go back, I will... if not... I leave Sunnycrap-hole forever."   
  
Dawn bit her lip. "Spike, please. You know she wont look for you on her own, and she'll get mad at us if we tell her we came looking for you." Tears welled up in her eyes. "Things are bad enough for her with the whole... heaven thing... and Giles leaving... you being gone is killing her. She's miserable. She hasn't gone slaying since you left. She doesn't eat that much unless we make her. You have to come back."  
  
Spike seemed to have sobered up considerably when she told him of Buffy's state. His blue eyes were watery when he looked up at her. "Do you think she could ever love me?"  
  
"I think she does. I think she has for a while." Dawn said, seeing hope light up in Spike's eyes.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Buffy sat on a park bench dejectedly. She was cursed. All the men in her life had left her. Starting with daddy dearest.   
  
Part of her felt it was her fault. Her being what she was. Why couldn't Faith break out of jail and take over the Slayer duties?  
  
Then she could be normal. Maybe have a relationship that didn't end in the guy leaving her cold and alone.  
  
And, why did she feel worse now with Spike out of her life than she felt when her father had left her... worse than when Angel had left her? It didn't make sense and it made her mad. Frustrated.  
  
Now she wanted nothing more than to let some vampire kill her. To waste away from starvation and lack of sleep. Heaven waited for her. Heaven wanted her while Spike didn't.  
  
How could she have told him those kisses made her feel like she had when she'd been where ever she'd been? He had to act like a cocky jerk about it. He couldn't just let her work out her feelings. He had to keep pressing it, so she got mad.  
  
She spat out it meant nothing, when it meant everything. God help her, she missed him. She wanted him. She loved him.  
  
Her head snapped up when she sensed a vampire. Then she smelled chocolate. She turned to see Spike walking over to her, a bag in his hands.  
  
"Hey there Slayer." He grinned. "Long time no see."  
  
"Not long enough." Passed her lips before she could stop herself. Old habit's die hard.  
  
"Maybe." He shrugged, sitting down next to her, dropping the bag at her lap. "It isn't much on nutrients, but it is food."  
  
Buffy took it warily and opened it. Doughnuts. A smiled passed over her lips, then faded. "Thank you." No snap. No tossing it in his face. Civility. It was a big step for her. Despite whatever feelings she harbored for him.  
  
"No problem." That was a lie, but she didn't know that the only 24 hour doughnut shop had walls covered in mirrors and technically he'd stolen the pastry items from the scared teenage girl working there. "I missed you."   
  
Buffy blushed and shoved the nasty retort to the back of her mind. "Then you shouldn't of left."  
  
"You kidding me, Pet? I had to go lick my wounds and wounded pride after getting the snot beat out of me... and by you of all people." He laughed.  
  
Buffy laughed too. "I'm sorry... about that. And everything I said. It was... I didn't think much before the words came out." She looked down and picked at a doughnut. "Life's been worse than hell with you gone."  
  
"So Dawn was telling the truth." He said, looking up at the stars.  
  
"Dawn?"  
  
"She and the Scoobies where the ones who 'summoned' me back." He smiled. "Don't get mad at them. They worry about you. Guess they'd rather you talk to a dead man than no one."  
  
"I'll have to thank them... for giving me my heaven back." She said softly, nudging him in his side with her arm when he looked down at her surprised. "It's almost sunrise. You should come home with me... since you can't exactly go back to your crypt."  
  
"And where would I sleep?" He asked with mock innocence.   
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Come on... before I change my mind."  
  
They walked in silence for a while. The darkness of night began slowly melting away as they got inside. "Spike?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
Spike stood at the foot of the steps for a minute, shocked. Buffy's voice snapped him out of his shock. "Coming?" She was already at her bedroom door.  
  
Spike let out a growl, running up three steps at a time, a smile of pure joy on his face.  
  
THE END. Awe... I'mma sucker for happy, sappy endings. So forgive me if you dunna like it. Don't forget to R&R! 


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